Monday, May 30, 2011



TOUGHLOVE philosophy is explained in the Parent Manual, which every parent receives when they become a member of a TOUGHLOVE group.

How we work
  • We are a parent support group – parents meet for peer support.
  • We deal in behaviour, not in emotions, even though emotions are considered and respected.
  • We do not act as professional counsellors - each group can recommend helpful professionals from their own resource lists.
  • We have no affiliations with any religious, or political groups.
  • We can give you no immediate answers to your problems, what we can do is show you that you are not alone, that and you have rights and worth and deserve to be treated with respect.
  • We have a “process for change” that you can use as a guide. We offer supportive confrontation and selective support to help you to make changes - first for yourself and your wellbeing - then for your teenager. We give no guarantees.
  • We do not tell you what to do. We can give suggestions, hope and sharing. There are no prescriptions: you make your own plans and get support from the group to follow through with your decisions. If you don't know what to do we can help brainstorm and provide our collective experience.
We ask three things of you
  1. That you use the TOUGHLOVE materials so we are all speaking the same language.
  2. That you allow yourself time to see how TOUGHLOVE works. Please plan, initially, to come to at least six consecutive weekly session.
  3. And because we are a support group, not a service, that you give back support to others when you can.
  • TOUGHLOVE is a non-profit, educational organisation offering self-help materials to parents, kids in trouble and the professionals working for them... it works!
  • TOUGHLOVE is an effective self-help program for the parents of unruly young people.
  • We empower parents and young people to accept responsibility for their actions and to stop destructive behaviours.
  • We help parents to regain control of homes and lives, making communities safer places in which to live.
  • TOUGHLOVE is a combination of philosophy and action which, together, can help you gain positive control of your home again.
  • TOUGHLOVE is a network of parents helping kids – of parents and professionals working together – to bring change into the lives of young people.
What TOUGHLOVE is not
  • TOUGHLOVE does not advocate or support physical or verbal abuse.
  • TOUGHLOVE does not advocate or support kicking kids out – we give our kids options that protect their safety and our responsibility, even though the reality is that they may not choose our options.

Assessing your situation
Look at the following issues, or printout and fill in one of the Crisis Assessment forms, below.

  • You and your spouse argue about your teenager’s behaviour
  • You have withdrawn from your spouse
  • Your spouse has withdrawn from you
  • You have not recently had a peaceful nights sleep
  • You hate to hear the phone ring when your teenager is not home
  • You or your spouse lost time from work because of your teenager
Has your teenager come home and missed dinner:
  • High?
  • Unreasonably late?
  • Drunk?

Has your teenager run away
  • Overnight?
  • For two days?
  • For a week?
  • For more than a week?
Has your teenager been violent:
  • Verbally?
  • Physically to the house or furniture?
  • Physically to anyone in the family?
  • Physically to other people in the community?
  • In school?
  • With the police?
AT SCHOOL Has your teenager:
  • Been lazy?
  • Absent without your knowledge?
  • Missed classes?
  • Been suspended?
  • Have you been called by the school?
WITH THE LAW Has your teenager:
  • Received a summons?
  • Received fines or tickets?
  • Been involved in accidents?
  • Been charged with drug incidents?
  • Been charged with drinking incidents?
  • Been arrested?

What is your assessment?
Do you want things to stay as they are, or are you ready to change?!

How many items have you ticked?

Are you satisfied with the way things are?

Do you believe that a crisis may be developing?

Do you believe that you are in crisis now?

We believe that if you have ticked two areas in the home category, two areas in the school category and one area in the legal category then YOUR CRISIS IS BUILDING.

If you have ticked more areas then YOU ARE ALREADY IN CRISIS.


(07)3856 3211

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