Unique
qualities and difficulties of girls and women with Aspergers. Notes
from Tony Attwood's talk on Girls and Women with Aspergers Syndrome.
1. Girls with Aspergers are socially confused by bullying, bitchiness, and the teasing that occurs between NT girls at school.
2. To a girl with AS, a friend is just that, a friend. Girls and women with AS tend to be very loyal and trustworthy friends.
3. Girls and women with AS are great one on one, but are uncomfortable and anxious in large groups.
4. There are a number of individuals who are psychologists with AS
who have become specialists themselves in AS. They are working with
children with ASD. They are teachers, nurses, psychologists and oftern
work with individuals with Autism.
5. Boys with AS tend to be angry and arrogant, whereas girls internalize their anger and get depressed.
6. Females with AS tend to be maternally stronger.
7. Girls camouflage their social confusion so well that it delays their diagnosis by 10, 20 and sometimes 30 years!
8. Girls tend to be diagnosed with anorexia, depression or anxiety
initially. Then, if the professional is specialized in ASD, the
Aspergers will be diagnosed. Girls tend to have less anger, less ADHD
and are more passive-aggressive (refusal to do things, not complying
with various requests, avoiding social events). Girls tend to
internalize and blame themselves.
9. Girls with AS may not be able to explain why they cannot manage
being in social situations. However, they will complain of migraines and
a sore tummy.
10. It's a myth that girls and women cannot socialize! They can
socialize very well for a short period of time. If too long it’s
exhausting.
11. Girls with Aspergers may not express fear, exhaustion and
confusion in their face. Their heartbeat is going at 130, but they don’t
show it. However, if you look closely, you can see fear in their eyes.
12. Intervention-wise, for every 20-30 minutes of socialization (for
e.g., visiting family), giving them a 'time-out' to the chill-out zone
(read a book for 20 minutes), then they can socialize more for 20-30
minutes, and then another break, and so on.
All persons wth Aspergers need downtime and rejuvenation time. A
great intervention for the child with AS is to have a secret signal with
the parent that means that the child needs to take a break.
13. Adult females need to let their family and/or friends know that
when they go off/leave, that they are doing it to calm and de-stress
themselves. For e.g., “I really enjoy soscializing for short times. So I
am not being rude if I have to leave or take a break. I just get tired
and need to chill”.
Myths –
1. Lack of empathy. Individuals with AS DO have empathy. What tends
to be problematic is their difficulty in reading subtle signals. They
dont see the 'thing' in the eyes or hear the tone of voice that
indicates that something is wrong. In fact, women and girls with AS
are overly sensitive to emotions, have a 6th sense to picking up
agaitation and tension in the air, and can be too 'in tune' to the
social atmosphere. They say they "feel like a sponge and are overwhelmed
by everyones feelings and emotions". The confusion comes from not
knowing how to process all of this "stuff", coming from a "6th sense",
and not from reading facial expressions. A girl/woman with AS doesnt'
know how they know it, but they KNOW it. Some women with AS find it
scary or overwhelming. It is recommended that the 6th sense be embraced
and strategies/interventions be employed to cope and/or manage.
2. Lack of mothering skills.
Most women with AS make excellent mums, however they may not react as expected (like NT's do).
Sometimes single women with AS have lost their children to government
services. There have been times where Police have treated a woman with
AS as though she is a NT. Lack of eye contact, tone of voice, etc., can
indicate 'guilt' in NT's.
Women with AS are less likely to be involved in the judicial system
and/or criminal activities. However, they are more likely to be victims
of sexual predators or NT’s, sexually abused, date raped or involved in
domestic violence situations. This is due to their vulnerability and
naïvety, inability to read facial cues, lack of in-built radar, and
taking people literally (what they say, not what they do).
Women who are dating need to have the person checked out by their NT
friends, collegues or family. An NT can give advice on what kind of
person they think he/she is. This can be challenging as women with AS
have fewer friends to access and/or go out with. They need to take the
relationship slowly and carefully to avoid dangerous situations and not
look for dates at pubs or where alcohol is involved.
3. People with autism cannot lie.
People with autism can lie, but do it badly. They tend to lie to the
detriment of all concerned or lie as a quick fix because they do not
know what to do, so they will deny, deny, deny. Their lies are not
convincing and they tend not to follow through with the lie. People with
AS need to be taught about 'white lies' (for e.g., “oh yes I enjoyed
time with you” when they didn’t). Social stories regarding white lies
are very helpful.
Aspergers Syndrome is relatively new, and thus far no intervention
packages for AS are available, as compared to RDI ot ABA for classic
Autism. In particular, psychotherapy for self-esteem and self-acceptance
issues is paramount for girls and women. Helping them look and see
their qualities changes their thinking and perspective. Developing their
special interest/talent(s) is crutial to their self-esteem.
Sexual/gender orientation challenges.
Boys with AS sometimes look to girls, their sisters and mums and
think of how sociable they are and how many friends they have. They then
start thinking "if I became a girl, I could be liked and have lots of
friends". Boys wanting to be girls, and vice versa, due to not liking
oneself or not feeling comfortable within their own skins, tend to look
at who is socially great. "If I became a girl or a boy, then I could be
popular, like myself, and be happy".
Girls with AS who don’t like who they are tend to see themselves as
failures and want to be a tomboy to avoid the bullying and teasing from
female peers and/or to feel like they fit in. They may think that if
they can be someone else other than who they are or change their gender,
they believe that they can become more skilled. Some of these children
grow out of it and some don’t.
As adults with AS, some men with AS are transgender. However, by
changing their gender, they didn’t change their social circles or their
social issues and/or difficulties.
Girls will mimicry and act to become who they are expected to be but
INSIDE they have no idea who they are. Lots of popular people go into
drama, so enrolling them in theatre or drama is highly beneficial.
Other difficulties for women and girls involve reading the signals of
when someone has a crush on you or you have a crush on them, fashion,
difficulties in what other expect of a women as a wife and partner (Nt
partner needs to understand the challenges on a partner, i.e. touch,
sex, sensory sensitivity, frequency of intercourse, etc).
What about doctors? Who should I take my child to see or see myself?
It's takes several years to get girls diagnosed. Ask your doctor how
many girls with AS have they seen. They must have seen as least 50 girls
with AS, because girls camouflage their social confusion so well.
